This road to having a baby is filled with potholes. Anyone who has ever struggled with infertility knows this. I have dealt with it over the course of my life for a total of about 15 years. I was blessed to have one and I am so thankful for him!! As most all women do though, I have the desire for another one.
We are still planning on trying to conceive our own, but the funds and time runs thin very fast. We are looking into other options as a back up plan because those types of things can take a long time as well. We know God is in control of this situation and we just keep waiting to see what happens.
We start MAPP classes probably April 25, they last for 10 weeks. They will also do a home study and interview us. Anyone can have a baby, but for us to be determined fit parents they do all this investigation and I get that to a certain point. I guess because of my profession and the neglect and abuse I see in just the first few days of life and within the family interactions, it just rubs me the wrong way….but, gonna keep doing what we do and praying for a miracle, however that happens 🙂
The opinions expressed in this blog are mine, if you don’t like them, don’t read it.
I know some people in my life who need help, serious God alone interventions, to get them out of the bondage they are in. I have also been at places in my life where I needed the same thing and got it. I remember though, during the storms of life, if anyone said anything about what I was doing, I took offense to it.
Usually if people accuse someone of “judging” them it is because the person is concerned and cares about them or their children or their future. I see people all the time saying things on Facebook or hear them talking about someone judging them and I really want to say that that person just really probably cares about them and their family.
I’m glad someone said things to me in my dark days. At the time it may have made me mad, but it also planted a seed in my head and helped me get closer to where I needed to be, because I will never be perfect.
So don’t be too quick to say someone is judging you, look at your life and see if you can see why they are concerned.
I have mentioned before about this, but haven’t written on my blog about it. So I copied this from my Facebook notes from four days after the event happened. The big proposal!
So, Robert and I were at Hanes Mall a couple of weeks ago and I thought we were going to Sears to look at tools. As we walk by a jewelery store he says he wants to go look at necklaces. When we get into the store though, he goes over and says let’s look at the rings. I just kind of laughed and said sure. From there we went on to look at about 3 more jewelery stores and looking at engagement rings. He said it would be after the first of the year before he got one if he did, but he just wanted to get an idea of what I liked. As we were getting ready to leave the mall we made a pit stop and I went into the restroom first, then he went so I could hold our drink and his cookie. I was sitting on a bench and realized that we didn’t have our JCPenney bag with our sheets he had bought. When he came out I told him I thought he left the in Kay jewelery so I sat there waiting while he went to get it. When he FINALLY came back I was picking at him and told him that he went and bought the ring I wanted. He said no, not yet and we went on home. Fast forward to the beach trip Wednesday, September 7, that evening after dinner we went back to the room. He was acting odd…even for Robert lol. I knew he had been working on a surprise for me but didn’t have a clue what it was. I had stepped out onto the balcony to paint my toenails and he wanted me to come back in for a few minutes before I did that. As I stepped back into the room I heard the song playing that he always sings to me and we dance, but it was coming from the laptop. I was so flattered and we danced and then another song came on that he had picked out, The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts. We danced and talked through that song as well. Then a song came on that we had heard last week called Let’s Get Married by Jagged Edge. When we heard it for the first time last week we laughed about the lyrics and while we were dancing he told me that next year if he asked me that that would be the song he would play so if I ever hear that again just know that’s what’s happening. i laughed and said ok baby. Then he said do you know how much i love you. I said, yeah, I do. He said, no, I don’t think you do and backed up and dropped down on one knee and pulled out the box and opened it and the ring from Kay’s was in there and he said, I love you with all of my heart and I want you to be my wife and marry me, as he said this tears were falling from his big beautiful eyes and my heart melted and I knelt down with him and we just stayed that way crying and hugging for a few minutes and I said yes I will marry you. It was amazing and I was soooo blown away and how much he poured out his heart to me. He had planned on asking me on our cruise in October, but he said he just couldn’t wait. I am the luckiest girl in the world and I cannot wait to be his wife!!!
We eloped five months later in Gatlinburg, TN in a cabin by an old little preacher who told us to always hold hands. Life is wonderful!!
As I have said before, I didn’t want to get married again. I had no intentions of falling in love again. Robert came along and changed that for me.
I fully believe that people come into your life for a reason. I had told Robert a few weeks after his amazing proposal, that I wasn’t supposed to marry him because he wasn’t saved and I was. I wasn’t trying to be judgmental or look down on him, I was just stating a fact. I went against Gods’ will and married him. I really felt in my heart that Robert would get saved. So it was a leap of faith as well and not really a deliberate disobedience.
Six months into our marriage we had went through the hardest thing of my life, the illness and death of my papa. Robert had been amazing through it all, even though at the time I’m sure he felt like he did nothing right based on how I acted. It was a hard time. He asked me one night as we were laying in bed how we were as a couple. I said “okay.” He was very hurt by that answer and didn’t know what I meant by just “okay.” We went to bed after arguing and fussing, hurt and both isolated feeling. I had told him that I didn’t feel like we were close and that I believed it was because he wasn’t saved he didn’t and couldn’t know what true love was so we could not have that bond, but as a couple we were as good as we could be.
The next morning after that discussion, I went to him and told him that I was sorry, I was sad and still grieving (and still am) and I was only “okay” but I loved him and never wanted to be without him and didn’t hold anything against him. He showed me his heart and cried to me saying he never wanted to lose me. After that conversation and a few weeks of my getting over some of my personal problems dealing with papas’ death, we did seem to get closer. He had shown me that he could love and had deeper emotions that I had even thought, but still I prayed for salvation because I knew that would make a huge difference.
Nine months (which in Biblical numerology is the number of fruitfulness) after we were married Robert got saved. I know there will be times in which the devil tries to destroy us and there will be hard times, we are stronger and deeper and it will only get better. God is so amazing and I see it in my husband more and more everyday.
Life is so full of negatives and I have a tendency to focus on negative things at times, so here are a few things that are positive for your Tuesday reading…
It’s almost spring!!!
I am happy, healthy and blessed….
Spiders don’t fly (thank tha Lord!!!!)
There is a better place than this to go one day…
I love, and am loved by many people….
No matter a financial situation, no one can ever take away your birthday!!!
Another contest coming soon, stay tuned….
It’s also hard at times, fun, a new learning experience and it all goes by in the blink of an eye. I remember when I was in high school and thought I couldn’t wait to be an adult. Then at the age of 18 I got married because I just couldn’t wait to do that either. Most young girls today get married because they are in love with the idea of getting married and not a marriage itself. That is hard. When I was 18 I didn’t even know myself, much less how to be a good wife and also what to expect from a husband. Live and learn. I have also learned to not let the past hinder me from my future.
I don’t feel my age, and I don’t act it. I refuse to let a number define my limitations and how I act. I love to laugh and cut up and still play around and act silly. Life is a gift and a blessing and we should live each day to the fullest. That’s why He put us here is to be happy. Life is too short to be in a relationship, job, friendship, or any other situation that brings you down to a point where you can’t have joy. It’s just too short!! I love my life so much and all of the people in it!!
I love that song. While I’m waiting, I will worship. I have no patience. None. Waiting on The Lord is a very hard thing for me, but through trials of last year and some already this year, I have gotten a little more patient. Before the tribulations, I had negative 10 on the patience scale. At least now I’m at zero.
Anyway, I’m waiting on a baby. I really really really want another child. I want Robert to experience being a father to a child that is his own because he already is amazing with Colby. I want to see his excited face as he sees and holds his baby for the first time. I want to nurse another child and bathe a wiggly little fat wad and nuzzle little sweet baby neck. Then mourn for how fast they grow up and become 12 year olds :-).
But, I’m waiting and in so I try to worship. I’m not perfect and I fail Him daily, but He loves me anyway.
We have a plan, it may be different than what God wants, we’ll just have to wait and see, but adoption has not been excluded from our thinking if we can’t conceive within a reasonable timeframe. I’m turning the big 4-0 next year (we are never to speak of it though lol) and so we need to be thinking about the future.
So we wait, and we try to worship because He is worthy!!