Finality

Sept 13th of last year was the day my papa passed away. The two days that followed were a blur and I was in a blur and thank God my husband and family helped get me through. I remember making the funeral arrangements and picking out the clothes for him to be buried in. We let Colby pick out which hat he wanted on him. We had the wake, I don’t remember much about that, it really is a blur and I think when your brain can’t wrap around something, the endorphins or adrenaline or something kicks in the keeps you moving, breathing, living.

The day of his funeral, September 15, 2012…we had a small graveside service with family and some special friends. It hurt. Bad. I think that was the worst pain of the whole thing even though it was a rejoicing, it was a finality here on this earth. He lives on though here as well, in my son who thought there was no one in the whole world like his Papa Clyde, and with me and my childhood memories and in my daddy who had him to look up to for 18 more years than I did, and in his sister Lou who was with him way longer than Daddy was, and the many, many friends he had who loved him just as much as we do…so you see, he does live on down here as well.

That night after the funeral, there was a sweet baby girl born to a sweet family with whom Papa was a part of, not by blood but by love. She never got to meet him here, but I know she will hear all about him and also about a wonderful grandma she didn’t get to meet here as well. I know her mama will tell her about how papa spoiled everyone around him 🙂

Really then, there is no finality, even though last year at this time, I felt like it was. They say the first year of someone being gone is the hardest and I believe it, but I have had more good days and memories than bad and I also know that I will see him again one day so that eases the pain. To everyone who didn’t know him, you missed out. He was amazing, so generous and kind…yeah today hurts worse than two days ago, but I am one year closer to seeing him again.

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