I firmly believe that events that take place in your childhood can definitely have an impact on the adult you become. I have experienced things and witnessed things, that I wish I could erase from my memory, but that’s not possible. There was a time when I was younger I tried things to forget those memories or fill the gaps of my self esteem. Then I realized I could either be a victim or I could be an overcomer, thanks be to God for helping me be the latter. I still have emotional scars from the choices I have made, but I chose to be happy anyway!

There are lots of different blogs offering advice and wisdom on marriages now a days. I, in no way consider myself an expert in it. I am in my third (and final) marriage. The first time I got married I was 18 and in love with the idea of being married. I wanted the husband, house, 2.5 kids and a perfect picket fence life. Didn’t happen…not even close. We were both young and immature and didn’t even know what we wanted out of our own lives, much less how to support the other in their goals. I was looking for something, unconditional love and acceptance. Needless to say at 18 years old, I looked for that fulfillment in the wrong places.

The next time, I had married my best friend. We never had a fight in the 12 years we were together, but as I have said before to friends with new babies…your husband is supposed to be your priority. We as women don’t always think that way. Parenthood can suck the life out of a marriage. Financial difficulties, boredom and also resentment played a big part in the demise of that marriage. Looking back, there were times we should have fought. It would have been healthier than us not wanting to hurt the others feelings, so resentment grew and I grew away from him. I always felt closer to him in a brother sister way than husband wife. We are still close and I’m grateful for that for our kids’ sake.

Then came Robert…I was so not looking to get married again. I was going to be alone because of the guilt and shame I had and the fear of never being happy with anyone. He was going to be just someone to hang out with and to date. I was not going to get serious. He was young and had never really had what I consider significant relationships, so he was the perfect candidate for what I had in mind (plus, he was pretty easy on the eyes 😊). But then….He grew up and I fell in love with him. He made me happy. He is romantic at times, but not so much it’s meaningless. We are active, we don’t grow to the couch and I feel that’s important too. We have fun, we play like children running through the house, throwing things, and wrestling. We fight, usually over nothing, but when we do it’s healthy, no name calling or throwing slurs about family and no cussing, pushing, or any of that junk that I have had before. He works hard and plays hard. I feel secure in knowing that if hard times hit, he will do whatever it takes to provide for us. He may not throw the clothes in the washer exactly when I ask him to, but he cleans out the hair from the drain of the shower, and he cleans that blasted George Foreman grill that I hate to, and he loves my son like he’s his own without me ever telling him to. He stole my heart and I try to make him happy and in turn he completes my life. For the first time in any relationship, I feel peaceful, not wanting for anything. I pray I always will feel that way.

If I could turn back time, would I do anything different…yes. Do I regret anything…no. They were all my growing pains and I had to accept me and love me before I could have this with anyone.

So my biggest marriage tip that if I could go back and tell myself at the age of 18….pray. Stay in Gods’ will. It will keep you from doing something you’re not supposed to do. At the ripe old age of 39 (and holding) my best advice is still pray. Wrap your marriage in it everyday.

This is scary for me to hit the publish button on this blog…I felt lead to write this today so I’m hoping someone gets something helpful out of it…..


2 thoughts on “Transparency

  1. Beautifully written–so open and honest!! ! I firmly believe your past relationships shape your current one!

    I’m nominating your for The Stork Award! You can read all the details in my latest blog post!!!

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